Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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