Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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