This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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