I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
