i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
