Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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