last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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