Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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