Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
