Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
