and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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