i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
