just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
