Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
50% drunk capacity currently
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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