Kiss
Puke
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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