talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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