Already got asked if we're dating
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
