im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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