Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
