She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
