Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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