as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
