no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
