rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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