I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
