So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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