He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
