I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
