Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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