That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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