dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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