I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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