I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
