I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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