He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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