Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
