somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
