well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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