I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
