In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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