another moral hangover. fuck.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
