I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want nice things and good sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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