One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
