This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
