I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
