The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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