She is in my trunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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