i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
