I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
