i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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