I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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