You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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