Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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