She is in my trunk
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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