my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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