you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
