I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
