My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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