you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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