if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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