Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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