I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
