You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize